Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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