he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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