Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
