I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
