Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
