Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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