So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
