Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
