we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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