so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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