Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
