the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
