Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
