Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
