..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
