Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
