awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
