Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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