The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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