dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
