Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
