Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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