i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
