If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
