I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
