Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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