i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
