what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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