How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
