I bet he comes in French.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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