how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
