Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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