We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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