I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
