Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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