she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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