id be glad to
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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