i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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