: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
