they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
