OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
