Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
