I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
