office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he thought i was a dude.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
