I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
