The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
