dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
