I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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