DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
