Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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