If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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