She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
